[personal] I know everyone has their insecurities..but this is my face. I'm just sad.

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I know I could read other posts and replies that cover the same ground but I just have to post that I'm sad. I'm doing the most I can do, working with my derm and trying not to stress, but I am just so sad that I have to deal with this. I never had perfect skin, but I broke out all on my cheeks and chin last February and it's been hell ever since. I know people struggle for longer than this, true warriors, but it's like I don't remember life before. It is so hard to lose your face. I would cover up with makeup and feel embarrassed knowing it could only do so much, imagining people looking at me thinking "she tried." The bumps on my cheeks changed my face and profile so much that I wouldn't be able to put my makeup on in the morning because of the tears streaming down my face. I have such great friends but it makes me sad to hang out with them and see their perfect skin and wonder what it would be like to not have this insecurity. And I have had periods of times where it doesn't cross my mind, but at the end of the day, my "good days" are someone's nightmare. And I can't help but breakdown still. I have made a big difference on the active acne on my face, but the months of damage are almost just as bad. My face is stained with marks and every morning I wake up hoping to see a difference, but not yet. I'm doing all I can but this just sucks. I feel serious soul damage from this and I just want to feel like myself again. It hurts to see people upset over one pimple. Even 5 pimples. I don't even want to post a pic but I wish I was brave as those who do. It's so hard to feel understood when you are one person in your circle going through this. My family tries to console me but they don't get it either. They say I'm beautiful no matter what but it feels patronizing because I know what everyone sees, and I feel ugly. And I want to be allowed to say that, for now. I wanna see the light at the end of the tunnel but I just can't. I don't know what I expect anyone to say, but I'm just having a bad day and needed to let it out.
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Submitted by cowbellkell