[Personal] This is what anxiety looks like

Beauty Tips For Body Care
​https://i.redd.it/vcedvuwmpop11.jpgSqueezing out my bumps is the only way I feel a sense of control over my life. It's painful, I'm disfiguring myself (I model as a hobby sometimes so I'd rather not do that) but I can get hypnotized in front of the mirror for an hour. I try to be hygienic, but researching 'safe home extraction techniques' just made it worse by making me feel enabled (and the outcome is not actually better.) It's crazy, but I get this feeling of "it's MY skin, I want to be in control of it" and sometimes it feels like I'm tearing at my own face. I even feel like it's gone from pathological grooming to self harm. It's awful and it makes me so sad.​Quick backstory, this past summer I got into skincare for the first time hoping it would be a good self-care tool. A humid summer and the new products supercharged a fungal acne infection that had previously lain dormant as little bumps. Then I moved across the country for grad school, lost my health insurance (and my therapist), got into a car accident, etc etc...​Current routine is Hada Labo Hyaluronic Lotion, Squalane, Cerave in the tub, plus a sulfur mask once a day. (Presence of fungus confirmed by a skin test.) Nizoral did nothing really but make my skin dry and painful, prescription ketoconazole cream helped more.) Had one dose of oral antifungals and going for another next week. Trying to use hydrocolloid bandages but they don't always pair well with fungus, gonna just slap two giant ones on my face tonight (the other cheek is just as bad) and hope for the best. After the next oral antifungal dose I'll start using a humidifier and petroleum jelly at night to try to heal my moisture barrier I guess. And I'll go on birth control (and get a therapist lol) once I get approved for public health insurance in case there's a hormonal issue. So I have a plan, it's just hard right now and I wanted to share.
Girls Blog 2015
Submitted by rosemarysbunny