[Personal] I've just had my worst skin day Post-Accutane and have been crying and picking for an hour

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I know it's stupid because my skin is still 80% better post accutane and relapses happen. Especially after the first year (finished my course 1 year and 2 months ago).But I naively thought that if I just worked really hard on my routine and did everything right that somehow I'd get to keep having regular human skin.I joined r/CompulsiveSkinPicking and managed to finally stop my compulsive skin picking after 5 years. I stepped up my routune by carefully incorporating products with Vitamin C, tretinoin, occlusives, niacinamide, etc. (With patch tests and 1 month waits before adding new products) and actually applied sunscreen daily. Made sure that these products were carefully applied to avoid harming my moisture barrier. I took away a lot of the factors in my personal life that brought stress acne and regularly visited my dermatologist.And it worked for a while. Around the 10 month mark, my sister, my mom, dad and several of my friends began commenting on how great my skin looked. Years of PIH had almost entirely faded and my skin was glowing but not oily.Shit slowly hit the fan around month 11. It began when i broke out on my chest. Up until then all of my post accutane acne was on face (Used to be on my face, bacj, chest, ass, etc). A few spots that would disappear in a day by doing my routine and slapping a hydrocolloid patch. I tried not to panic and applied my tried and true methods but that area didnt respond to anything.Everyday since then the number of acne on both my face and chest has increased. The texture has gone to crap, blackheads and sebaceous fillaments increasing and pores are basically as large as pre-accutane days. Im slapping 5 hydrocolloid bandages on my face everyday, which is just crazy expensive for my budget, just to stop me from stress picking and to keep up with all the rush of acne coming to head.I took one look at my mirror tonight and started picking like i was 13 again. My face is so red. I think i may have peeled a few layers of skin and created some lasting scars. Even as i type this in tears I can't seem to stop.I've tried to pretend to be strong the past 4 months. That I was okay with this. That it's just skin and there are worse problems in the world (my grades for instance) and that if worse comes to shove i could just go back on accutane.But I'm not okay.I am so so tired. Of all of this. Why can't life just reward people based on the effort they put in? Why am i so goddamn stupid to revert back to picking?Why can't my body just give me normal skin?Help.
Girls Blog 2015
Submitted by RobinHoodin